Joe's story

I was 12 and it was just another day. I was doing my paper round in the rain and I was soaking wet when one of the doors opened. A man asked me if I’d like to come in and have a cup of tea. I was glad of a warm. I didn’t think anything about the bits in the cup at the end. It wasn’t until I was walking home and the lamp-posts started trying to bite me that I knew I’d had mushroom tea.

Then I tried the bong and it was like nothing I’d done before. By the time I was 15 my mum and dad couldn’t take any more of me and I lived on the streets for a while, taking all sorts. I moved back home and got work. I was earning more money than I was used to and I really hit the drugs and drink and was fighting all the time. I got cut up bad one day and when my mum called the doctor I lost it with him. I ended up in a mental hospital for 6 months.

I came out of there to a hostel and met my first partner. We lost a baby and I couldn’t stop feeling it was down to me because of all the drugs. I talked to my dad and we grew close like never before but then he died and my world fell apart. I hit the drugs again bad.

Then my partner had a little girl. She was my world. When we had a little boy my partner gave me an ultimatum: us or the drugs and fighting. I ignored her and kept doing what I was doing then I got home one day and she’d left me. My mum begged me to stop too but I loved the drugs and the fighting.

I was out of control and when one of my dealers asked me to do a job for him I didn’t think nothing of it. All I had to do was ram someone off the road. I did it. 500 pills. Lovely.

Next day my kids’ mum phoned me asking me about my car. Turned out it was her cousin I’d put in hospital. I lied. Told her it wasn’t me. I told her I’d sold my car. I had to sell it quickly but when the police traced the car to the boy I’d sold it to I had to shut him up. I beat him up. That got me 6 months in jail. That’s when I started to smoke the brown (heroin).

When I got out I moved into a flat with a new partner. We had a baby and for a while I gave up most of the drugs but we needed money so I went back to work on the doors. I was soon as bad as I’d been before. I thought I had it hidden but my partner found out and made me choose between her and the baby and my work. I loved my job and the drugs too much so I moved out.

Then one night my head went like never before. I was out for blood. I went to see my mate and he started laughing at me. Bang, bang, I had to knock him out. Bang, bang. I broke his nose and jaw. He started coming back for more. I wasn’t taking any risks. Bang, bang, I couldn’t stop.

I put him in a coma.

I got 5 years IPP.

I was in prison and in a mess.

Then I met Lionel and started going to church. A man called Steve came in to speak and he told us what his life had been like and how he’d let the Lord into it. One of the church group prayed for me and it was like the best high I ever had. I asked Jesus into my life and my life turned round for the better.

My mum died last year before she had seen me beat the drugs but I know my mum and dad are looking down on me. I never told my dad I loved him. Last week I phoned my sister and told her I loved her. She was suspicious, ‘What you up to, Joe?’ but I understand now how much they mean to me. I know what’s important. It was all about money before.

It’s been a hard journey. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. Soul-searching. I didn’t do emotions but I love myself now. Out of a really bad situation some good has come. I get laughed at on the wings but I don’t care. I’d rather talk to someone now than fight them.

I’m hoping I’ll get into Teen Challenge when I get out. I’ve got so many plans. I want to help others meet Jesus. He’s my best mate, the one who’s always there for me and who really does answer prayers.

For my little almost-English boy

May you grow strong in body and mind.

May you abound in energy and enthusiasm.

May you sleep at peace with the world and may your dreams be limited only by your imagination.

May you stretch out your hand and reach for the trees and the sky, for rainbows and shooting stars.

May you walk the path God has laid before you, your eyes fixed on him.

May you relish challenge and find the strength and resources to face difficulties, resolve dilemmas and may you come through smiling and in good spirit.

May you see the miraculous in the mundane, wonder in the workaday.

May you seek truth, the truth that frees and enriches.

May your heart be for others; may you be an instrument for change.

May you experience passion and peace.

May you know the exhilaration of success and the refreshing of solitude.

May you have friends who support, love and admonish you.

May laughter be always near your eyes and a loving heart your constant companion.

And know this:

Wherever you go,

Whatever you do,

You are loved without condition

By your mum and dad,

And by your grandparents.

But great as our love for you is

It is nothing in comparison to the love the King of the universe has for you.

May you become the man God has created you to be, a man fulfilled, who knows what true wealth is and who can consider himself the richest man in the world.

The parable of the builder

A builder was told to go to Swansea and build a new church. He was to spare no expense as it was to be a special church, the best church he could build. To start him off on his task his boss gave him a foundation stone made of pure gold.

When he arrived in Swansea the builder began to gather materials to build the church but instead of going to the usual merchants he trawled scrapyards, junk heaps and rubbish tips for damaged bricks, cracked glass and rotted wood. Other builders in Swansea who’d heard rumours about this new special church laughed at him but he just smiled and kept on collecting the bricks rejected by everyone else.

Then he began to build the church. First he put in place the foundation stone his boss had given him. Then he carefully laid down bricks cementing them together with patience; he glued the glass back together with care; and he repaired the wood with love.

As the church took on its shape the other builders laughed even more because from the outside it looked shabby and marred. But anyone who ventured inside found it to be more magnificent than the cathedrals of old, full of precious stones, diamonds and rubies, emeralds and sapphires, that sparkled and shone in the glow of the foundation stone.

The parable of the black sheep and the shepherd

There was a flock of sheep. Most of them enjoyed life but not all of them were happy.

There was a black sheep. All the other sheep made fun of him because he was different.

An ugly sheep was fed up of being told by the other sheep that he was useless and good for nothing.

A sheep who’d spent most of his life in a pen struggled to fit in with the others. None of them trusted him and wouldn’t let him play with them.

A sheep who had been wounded couldn’t keep up with the other sheep and was always being left behind.

One of the sheep liked to travel from place to place. The other sheep thought he was mad and turned their backs on him whenever he turned up.

The shepherd didn’t give a monkeys about the sad sheep and the rejected sheep; he only cared about the size of his flock.

But one day another shepherd appeared and he knew the black sheep, the ugly sheep, the one who couldn’t fit in, the one who’d been hurt and the one who was only there sometimes and he called them by name.

And they left the flock and followed him to a place where the ground was level and all sheep were accepted.

Zac's psalm of gratitude

Give thanks to the Lord for he is good.

His love endures forever.

His grace is more than we need.

He has saved us and promises us life eternal.

His love for us is unconditional, undeserving though we are.

He doesn’t ask or expect us to measure up to his standards

but with patience and understanding

he helps us through the struggles on our daily journey.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord

for Jesus, his son;

for the inspiration of John Smith and the ministry of Sean Stillman

through whom the community of Zac’s Place came into being;

for us, the ragamuffins, walking miracles testifying to the goodness of God.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord

for today, for the miracle of each new day,

for sunshine and for rain,

for the food we are going to eat,

for tea and biscuits,

for the wonder of new life,

for the best smile in Swansea,

for this our family and for on-going friendship.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord

who has chosen us and shown us his vision,

whose promises can be trusted,

who gives us our talents and the calling in which to use them,

who has provided us with a courageous spirit

that helps us to be open to new experiences,

who grants us peace during the hard times,

who makes his will known to us,

and who gives us the strength to accept that will.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord, the bringer of peace.

We are new creations, new once and for always.

We are recovering and recovered

and one day our recovery will be complete.

For this we thank you, Lord.

His love endures forever.

We eagerly anticipate the rest of the exciting journey

that will see your promises and plans for us fulfilled.

For freedom of choice, for individuality,

for a reason to go on living, we thank you, Lord,

His love endures forever.

Because you won’t take a day off from caring, we give you thanks.

Because you will blow away the smoke and all that blurs our senses,

we thank you Lord.

His love endures forever.

Prayer for the funeral

If you want to see God you have only to look at Jesus. Standing at the graveside of his friend, Jesus wept. He understands what it is to experience the pain of loss. But in the words of Bruce Springsteen, love is a power greater than death. I'd like to pray using some of the words and ideas from the 23rd psalm that we've just heard.

To the Good Shepherd, you who promise to be close to the broken-hearted, I pray for the family here today for whom an irreplaceable person has gone.

God of love, who knows what it is to grieve, grant peace in the midst of pain and comfort in a time of need.

For Pop, when the emptiness becomes too hard to bear, I pray that you surround him with those who will support and encourage him, who will love him and hold him tight.

For Mike, Lynne and Angie, who've borne a heavy burden over the last months, I pray that the Good Shepherd will lead you to still waters, to green pastures, where you can find space to mourn and to heal, to remember your mother as she used to be before she became so ill.

For Becca, Dan, Ellie, Jo, Simon, Anna, Rob and Neil, I pray that, as you remember grandma, you find comfort in the knowledge that you meant everything to her. You and your children were her world.

For the extended family, for all of us who had the privilege of knowing Ivy, I pray that we will find inspiration in her memory.

Father God, I pray that your tender love will be a balm for spirits that are hurting so much now, that your compassion will bring about restoration of our souls.

And in the name of the Father who created us, and of his resurrected son, Jesus Christ who saves us, and of the Holy Spirit, who is with us and comforts us - may the peace of the living God be upon us - each one. Amen.

One Night

Naomi

Oh Elimelech, what have I done? I have sent the girl to … to prostitute herself. For what else is it if she lies at a man’s feet and asks to share his bed? What would Mahlon say if he were here? But he’s not; like you he’s dead and gone and that is why we have to resort to these measures. How could God take you all from us? Why, God, why did you do it? Was it something I did? So bad that you chose to punish me by taking my husband and my sons? Oh Elimelech, I wish you were here now.

But have I done wrong again? By telling Ruth to go to Boaz have I sinned again? But what was I to do? We have nothing. It is by Boaz’s generosity that we are managing to live. He is a good man, honest and true. Unlike your cousin, who, I know, is our closest kinsman-redeemer. I hear nothing but bad about him in the town. Would you have Ruth tied up in marriage with him? Pah.

She will be all right with Boaz. She will be safe; he is not a man to take advantage of her. I would never forgive myself if I had sent her to your cousin and he had abused her. Every day I thank God for her and I am sorry it has come to this, to begging for help. But is it begging? We are only asking for what is lawful and expected. But it is much to ask of a man, to put his own estate at risk, his own name.

Yet Ruth is a prize worth having. She is a foreigner it’s true, and from Moab at that, but I have seen the way young men watch her as she walks down the road. She keeps her eyes averted and does nothing to draw attention to herself but still they watch and admire her. She will make him a good wife and bear him many children. If he will redeem our land.

Oh, Elimelech, have I done right?

Ruth

I cannot sleep. How can I when I lie, unbeknownst to him, at the feet of a man? If I did not know that Naomi is a good woman I would question her instructions. But I love her as my own mother. She would not send me into wrongdoing.

But to dress in my best clothes, to wash and perfume my body and then to lie next to a man – who is little more than a stranger to me – is alien to me. It goes against everything I have ever learned. But I trust Naomi. She knows what she is doing.

And Boaz is a good man. He has treated us well; he has been generous and kind. I need not fear him.

But yet, he is a man. Who is to say how a man may behave in any situation? He may wake and be angry. He may forbid me to glean in his fields. Or he may wake and not recognise me; he may think I am a prostitute for his pleasure. Oh Naomi, what have you sent me into?

But Boaz is a good man. I know that. I have heard them in the town talk of him with respect and he has treated me well. I do not need to be afraid.

But he is a man of wealth and position. He can take his choice of women to have as a wife. Why would he agree to marry me, a Moabite, a stranger? Are the laws of this land so binding that he would be obliged? And if he married me because he was forced to, what kind of marriage would that be? A marriage without love would be hard to bear.

And yet if that is what I must do to provide a home and a future for us then so be it. I will do it for Naomi.

And marriage to Boaz would not be too hard I am sure; he has shown himself to be gentle and honest.

I pray that morning comes soon and I will know what the future may hold. Mahlon, if you watch over me, keep close to me tonight.

Boaz

My God, she is so beautiful. When I woke to find her at my feet my heart raced. Would that morning come quickly so that I may know my fate. I cannot bear to see such a one as this married to that oaf of a cousin of mine; yet I must do what is right. I must choose my words carefully when I approach him.

People have said to me in the past, ‘Boaz, isn’t it time you took a wife? Think of your family name.’ And I’m sure some of the same people will say the same thing to me if God grants my request and I marry this girl.

So young, so loving, so good to Naomi. And so beautiful. What care I if she is from Moab? I have seen her work and humble herself – even to this, to lying at my feet and asking for marriage. How much must that have cost her? Her nobility of spirit becomes her well.

No! I must restrain myself from reaching out to stroke her hair. I can smell her perfume and feel the warmth of her body. I hear her soft breathing. I long to hold her close.

But am I an old fool? Would I be so willing to be Naomi’s kinsman redeemer if her daughter-in-law were ugly and vain? Am I just another whose head has been turned by a pretty girl? I cannot fool myself that she comes to me out of love – except for Naomi.

But maybe she will grow to love me. She is the one I have been waiting for. I think I knew that from the first moment I saw her.

God of my fathers, if this be your will let me be a good husband to Ruth and a good son-in-law to Naomi.

Morning cannot come soon enough.